Hurdle

If you aren’t afraid to fail, then you don’t want it bad enough.
When you have a true desire, a passion, an absolute need for something, then the idea of failing at whatever that is can be the most truly terrifying thing in the world. If the idea of failing at something doesn’t scare you, then whatever it is you are trying to accomplish must not mean all that much to you.
I am, of course, excluding those so confident as to have no doubt whatsoever that they will accomplish exactly what they set out to do. To those few, I tip my hat with envy. I would love to walk around with that kind of bravado; but alas, I have my doubts sometimes. Doubt doesn’t usually overwhelm my thoughts, but sometimes, when I am having trouble sleeping, my mind wonders around. Of late, my mind wondered what I would do if things didn’t work out exactly the way I had planned or wanted them to (because after all, life isn’t always fair). This detour my brain took did not aid in sleeping that night, but it did bring about a very important question and realization for me.
The pure, overwhelming, all-consuming panic that I felt at the idea of failing made me realize just how very much my goals mean to me. That’s how I know they are the right ones for me.
This jaunt into sweat-inducing anxiety also made me ask myself, “Am I willing to put everything into accomplishing my goals (even if that means taking a crap job for a while or falling behind on some bills or derailing a smaller plan to accomplish a bigger plan? In other words, am I willing to be flexible with my plans to achieve my goals?) It was without hesitation or doubt that I answered “YES!”.
Okay, so I’ve had my realization, I’ve answered my own question (and quite satisfactorily if I do say so myself), so now what?
Great, another question, more plans.
While I may not have slept very well, I did wake up the next morning and decided that along with my questions (that are perpetually running through my head at any given moment) and my plans and my goals that I would start acting on these things. Time to take control! First I would need supplies (in my case, books). With determination and a little more confidence than I am used to, I woke up, got dressed and headed to the bookstore…only to find that it had gone out of business. Okay, I minor set back. No need to panic. Alright, confidence waned a little after seeing those empty shelves through the store window, but all hope was not lost. I had a car and a smartphone. Surely I could find another bookstore.
After driving around for quite some time, I found a bookstore and found half of the resources I needed. Alright, half wasn’t the plan, but it was better than nothing.
If felt good to take a little control, even if I did run into a few setbacks. And with my goal in mind, none of these errands or setbacks felt devastating. It just felt like hurdles on a track. Jump over one, prepare for the next.
If my goals hadn’t meant so much to me, if the idea of failing didn’t send me into a complete meltdown, then I wouldn’t try as hard or care if obstacles popped up. I wouldn’t be jumping the hurdles, I’d just be standing in front of one, pondering my next move or deciding it wasn’t worth the energy to overcome. Some obstacles will be much larger than others (so enjoy the little ones!) but if even in the face of an impossibly large obstacle, your goals still make you want to fight tooth and nail to jump over the hurdle, then you’ve found the right ones.

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